I thought I’d take some time to talk about my career and writing.
I have always felt like I’m a bad writer. It’s not that my writing itself is bad, it’s that I’m not dedicated enough. I referenced this in a previous blog post: the writers group that specified, This is NOT a group for deluded romantics who “want to be” writers, or who “dream” of being a writer.
To them, I might be just a “dreamer”, but… I really love my day job.
That’s been my struggle since day one, honestly.
Writing was one of my earliest hobbies. I still remember the first story I wrote: It was for a story contest on the old television show, Reading Rainbow. (Comment if you remember this show!) I spent a long time at the kitchen table, writing a story about how Jack Skellington comes and delivers Halloween to my house (this is an actual thing we believed when we were kids.) I painstakingly sat there, counting it word by word with a pencil, making sure it fit the competition requirements.I think I mailed the story in. I honestly don’t remember if it got picked, but I remember the experience of writing it.
Sometime around that time, I started carrying around a marble notebook and writing stories in it. First were exciting adventures where my sister and I lived secret lives as superheroes and saved our teachers from evil robots. (Don’t laugh, they’ll be worth millions someday!). Then came the stories about my sister and I running a “pet and people vet”, and the magical adventures our two daughters- based off of dolls we owned- got into. After that I started to explore magic and fantasy. Earlier versions of my Soulless character were born in those stories.
Along the way, the Harry Potter films started to release, and that started my obsession with movies. I had all the film magazines with actor interviews and behind-the-scenes secrets- and I was hooked. It took an entirely different kind of magic to bring Hogwarts magic to life. I was just a little obsessed. Film just kind of snuck its way in from there. I started making movies as school projects whenever I could get away with it. I did stop motion for a while, in honour of The Nightmare Before Christmas. I attempted to study animation in high school, but my advisor wouldn’t let me take the class- it was ‘for boys.’ (That’s for another post.) My parents got me a teeny video camera and I filmed everything, making little short music videos and stories of my friends. It wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
College was a lot of indecision. I wanted an English degree, but my parents weren’t big on the idea of me being a teacher or full-time writer. After some time as a Journalism major, I switched to film, keeping an English minor. I dabbled in screenwriting, but everyone complained that my scripts were too descriptive, and I had to leave some of it up to the actors and director. Eventually I settled into editing and producing, and discovered a Visual Effects school that taught the “movie magic” I had fallen in love with.
So I picked my path. This is the career I’ve chosen, and I’m still torn in half every day. I love writing, and still want to be a writer. I’m fairly certain if it were reversed, and I was a full-time writer, I’d be wishing I had gone into film. I’ve struggled for a while with that, but 2020 has helped me figure things out.
Why can’t I be both a writer and a VFX editor?
It’ll take some balance, but I can still do both. 2020 gave me the gift of time: I’ve finally finished a Nano, and have a huge chunk of my book drafted. FINALLY! My new company pushes a healthy work/life balance, so I won’t have the crazy hours I’m accustomed to. I can have dedicated time to write, blog, and still keep my awesome job.
I love my day job, and that’s okay. It shouldn’t classify me as a “bad writer”. There’s no reason I can’t climb the VFX ladder during the day, and write my book at night. Heck, one of the academic advisors from my school published a sci-fi book with his wife! This man is a skilled 3D modeller who literally wrote one of the textbooks for his field, and still managed to write and sell a book. That motivates me so much.
I am a storyteller first. I might have a few different mediums to use, but it’s still a story.
Zoey Delmaire Writes 